Was going to reply to the
JSON::Any thread, but figured i’d make a topic.
Nothing I say matters so I don’t really care anymore. Ever since the first day, it’s all been questions. Just questions 24/7, for a year. It’s quite obvious I have a skewed reality of this language/programming and just don’t get it. Obviously there is something wrong with me, and I understand that :(. Even though my codebase has several thousand lines of code, everything works beautifully, just the way I like it! And you know what? I enjoy the hell out of the language.
However, it seems like whenever I try to bring anything up it’s a contrarian viewpoint. Which to me, pisses me off to no end and I don’t know why it’s like this. But at the same time, it’s a humbling experience because in reality, the more I feel shit about myself (personal issues, not understanding something in crystal, etc), the more I code in crystal. It helps and acts like a coping mechanism. This is not because of the responses I receive. Every single person in this community has been very tolerant of me, and extremely respectful / kind. Thank you for putting up with me for this long.
But I don’t think it’s worth it anymore. Why? Because of the annoyance it’s most likely causing the community. Not only the community, but potential developers of the language that stumble upon my posts.
I will continue to use crystal as I love the living hell out of it. I just don’t think me being social about it is doing any good, to anyone. I think I interject my personal biases into the objectiveness of the language and it creates confusion. This could be extremely off-putting/dangerous to non-crystal developers who see my posts. I want the best for crystal, and now after self-reflecting, I’m doing the exact opposite. I feel awful for this and never intended it to be like this.
Crystal doesn’t deserve this, nonetheless the community members and/or developers. It hurts to type all this, but my time here has come to an end. I have no idea how it got to this point. This should have stopped long ago. It should have stopped after receiving an immense amount of help on gitter within the first couple months. I have some deep-seated issues / contrarian views with programming in general and regardless of all the help I received, I still do things my own way. To the point where I fear I might be delusional. I don’t know why it happened that way, it just did. Was never my intentions. I am so sorry for everything.