I am sorry for everything

Was going to reply to the JSON::Any thread, but figured i’d make a topic.

Nothing I say matters so I don’t really care anymore. Ever since the first day, it’s all been questions. Just questions 24/7, for a year. It’s quite obvious I have a skewed reality of this language/programming and just don’t get it. Obviously there is something wrong with me, and I understand that :(. Even though my codebase has several thousand lines of code, everything works beautifully, just the way I like it! And you know what? I enjoy the hell out of the language.

However, it seems like whenever I try to bring anything up it’s a contrarian viewpoint. Which to me, pisses me off to no end and I don’t know why it’s like this. But at the same time, it’s a humbling experience because in reality, the more I feel shit about myself (personal issues, not understanding something in crystal, etc), the more I code in crystal. It helps and acts like a coping mechanism. This is not because of the responses I receive. Every single person in this community has been very tolerant of me, and extremely respectful / kind. Thank you for putting up with me for this long.

But I don’t think it’s worth it anymore. Why? Because of the annoyance it’s most likely causing the community. Not only the community, but potential developers of the language that stumble upon my posts.

I will continue to use crystal as I love the living hell out of it. I just don’t think me being social about it is doing any good, to anyone. I think I interject my personal biases into the objectiveness of the language and it creates confusion. This could be extremely off-putting/dangerous to non-crystal developers who see my posts. I want the best for crystal, and now after self-reflecting, I’m doing the exact opposite. I feel awful for this and never intended it to be like this.

Crystal doesn’t deserve this, nonetheless the community members and/or developers. It hurts to type all this, but my time here has come to an end. I have no idea how it got to this point. This should have stopped long ago. It should have stopped after receiving an immense amount of help on gitter within the first couple months. I have some deep-seated issues / contrarian views with programming in general and regardless of all the help I received, I still do things my own way. To the point where I fear I might be delusional. I don’t know why it happened that way, it just did. Was never my intentions. I am so sorry for everything.

Chear up! The topics you bring have not been asked before, and for example I never benchmarked JSON.parse vs from_json and it was interesting to know that the performance isn’t that different. We also know about mutable structs not being intuitive. We could restrict them to being immutable but some algorithms could hurt from that and so we don’t have a better answer yet. And that many of us respond to you means you ask interesting questions that open up the debate.

I would keep asking questions here in the forums, I don’t think it bothers anyone.


Usually, we are not alone in our interest and way of thinking. Sometimes is hard to find a match. Don’t shut yourself.

On my side, there was never an annoyance feeling from your questions and comments.

Please, keep asking and interacting. We want more community, not less.

If everybody uses Crystal from the shadows then there would be no advance.



Whatever you’re talking about, I do not know.

But I’ve seen few Crystallers (if that’s what we call ourselves) as passionate about Crystal as you. You’re easily the one having asked the most questions, but I’d rather look at that as having gotten to the most answers

From what I’ve seen you’re not just one who is not just very welcome to the community,
but also one in the very heart of the community.

Please don’t leave us, Cheers.


You guys are too kind, I really don’t deserve it.

I decided to take a different outlook on programming. I noticed I have a lot of personal bias in my questions / issues / posts. I don’t think that’s healthy or productive. I need to be more objective (especially regarding crystal and programming in general). I will try to be more objective instead of “this should do this, because I think it should!”.

Thank you for your understanding :heart:


I actually left my local Ruby group for the same reason. And I was an organizer and one of the original co-founders of the group. It’s very frustrating when you view solving a problem a certain way, and ask about it only to have someone come at you like “well don’t do that”. There’s definitely a few people in this community that give off that snarky / asshole response. I just look at it like “I’m sorry my curiosity annoys you”. Even when I first started programming, my mentor would get so frustrated with me, and I felt so dumb.

The community needs people that are passionate about the language, and people that are willing to take what they learn and pass along that information. Keep asking your questions, learn the answers, and then take what you hated about how you got the answers, and share those in a more positive light! That way the next person that comes along doesn’t have to go through that.

This is why when I teach programming now, I make it a point to be patient, clear, and understanding with people. Even if someone is doing something in a way I wouldn’t, I still help them solve problems their way, then offer up how my solution might differ. Here’s a blog post I wrote about the topic.

Just keep at it! Good luck.